A Matter of Perspective

Fear-1 Self-0

I was planning something big. I was planning something HUGE. But I let fear stand in my way.

You see, I should be writing this while at my friend’s house in Indiana, but I am writing it from my same old kitchen table because I let fear stop me.

I let fear stop me from getting on a bus that would take me to a new scenario in life.

I have so often let fear drive the course of my life...

When I was in high school, I wanted to join the military. I didn’t because of fear. Not fear of the hard work that it would be, but because I was afraid of what “could” happen. I wasn’t afraid of going to war or anything like that. I was afraid because I was told I could get raped.

I’m sure that happens, but it happens every day to people not in the military, too.

I went to college and stayed in the Twin Cities for a while after I earned my degree.

I came back here because I was homesick.

I have had so many opportunities and I let fear keep me from fulfilling my destiny time after time after time after time.

This time, I let fear grip my throat and let the yellow of my spine throw me down into the same pit I have been wallowing in for years.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this area. It is a good area that has been a blessing to me many times, but I was hoping I would be brave enough for the adventure that my soul has been so longing for—so thirsty for.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Late Jim Rohn and his statements about thinking about what we loved to do as kids. For me, that was adventure.

I wanted to try adventure again while I am still young enough to fully enjoy adventure, but I scared myself into thinking I couldn’t do it. I told myself that this was a message from God—and trust me, it may have been—but once again I stopped myself from doing anything. And now I sit here with most of my clothing and dishes and silverware and belongings just gone because I either sold them or gave them away.

But I take ownership of all of that because I made the choices I made. In hindsight, they are not the choices I shoulda, coulda, woulda made, but I did and now I must deal with the consequences.

Be careful that fear doesn’t drive your life and your decisions. You can take an example from this quote: “I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.” ~Tracee Ellis Ross