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A Matter of Perspective

Every now and then I get a funny e-mail. Funny and a lot of times so true!

This one was titled Senior Moments, but I think these things relate to everyday life so well. Enjoy a good laugh!

• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

• I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

• My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there’s a new strain out there.

• It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

• As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

• Me, sobbing: “I’m not coming back here anymore ... I’m not going to let you hurt me again.

“My trainer: “It was just one sit-up.”

• As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

• I haven’t gotten anything done today.

I’ve been in the produce department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

• If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four U.S. presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

• Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

• I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently; I have new ideas.

• God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.

• I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

• I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

• My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

• Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

• Apparently, RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.

• She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found “mute” by now.

• So, you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChicken all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it?

• Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still stupid.

• There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.

Hope you all have a good laugh. Remember school is back in session. Be extra diligent in watching out for our children as they head to school!


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